For most of my life I’ve been comfortable in the role of “observer”. I’ve watched and listened as circumstances led me from one adventure to the next. This isn’t to say that I’ve done nothing over the years, but I definitely worked with what came my way, rather than going after anything specific.
Well, times; they’re a’changin’.
Over the past few years I’ve experienced cyclical changes in several aspects of my life. The strongest example I can give you begins with the death of my mother eleven years ago. It was sudden and surprising and it was something that influenced me in ways that continue to reveal themselves to me. Her passing began a cycle of growth that forced me to see myself as an independent adult and not a someone’s child more so than anything else has. During the eleven years I’ve grown in my career, my family, my perception of myself even my physical body, and two years ago I felt a closure to that cycle when my grandmother, my mother’s mother, passed away at ninety-three years old. These were the two most influential women in my life and it makes sense that the cycle of growth would have been bookmarked by these two wonderful women.
Now I’m left with me.
It’s up to me now to drive this machine that is my life. To invest in the decisions I make like I never have before and succeed in the areas of my life I choose to focus my attention on. I have my own dreams now, carved out of the wide array of experiences I’ve had through the years and the knowledge gained from them. I’ve learned to appreciate the helping hands and be grateful for every positive interaction that is offered to me. Where before I would have used the prompts from other people to turn me in my next direction, now I will decide on my own to which horizon I’ll turn to find my star.
I have a new influence in my life, another generation of women in my family. My daughter. And just like my mother, her birthday follows closely on the heels of my own. And even though I wasn’t the one to carry her, she has been my daughter for all eternity, of this I’m sure.
So, I’m off.
On this exciting second half of my life, with the love I’ve been given filling up the sack of love I have to give. To get to the next milestone I’m going to cultivate compassion. I’m going to revel in new knowledge, and I’m going to push myself to believe that what I do has merit–is worth doing, and will, in the end, be a great influence on my daughter as she grows and finds her place in this world.